I've always considered this word to be misunderstood. Friends are precious people, sometimes though people mistake friend to be many different things. Abusive habits, drugs, alcohol, the internet, spending, gambling, sex, depression, mental diseases, abusive spouses. Most of these I've been near, or been involved in at some time or other. And, I am left asking myself, through it all I've not kept friends from any of those times. Nothing comes from those moments except, experience... and a horrible knowledge of smells, tastes and aftershocks. All things we use to define our future, except they make our past dented, torn, and jagged enough for us to never bring it up in conversation.

But I've strayed from the subject at hand, digressed as it were. In the word friend, one has reliability, trust, companionship, understanding (and a willingness to further understand), sacrifice, and renewal. Here in this day and age, the component required for any friendship to blossom is being replaced by a digital media system that conquers the intolerably resistant human soul. One that we all use. Of all the things Throbbing gristle made me realize, it was that the internet is transparent. The rest of the death and decay of that sound has left me and it was for the better anyway. Suicide rested there and I'm not ready to die so young. 28 and I'm still young.

If friends, and the natural component to connect emotionally, realistically, is taken away and replaced with a cold unfeeling system like the internet, what will become of human relationships, conversations, morality and the justice we all share with each other when we meet? Will we forget how to understand and believe in our ability to handle these situations because we learn different rules in a computerized world? Will the rules change? Are we, in fact, honouring the decay of collective human understanding by connecting online and becoming numbers, reduced, reused and forgotten for who we really are?

We become reduced because while we were known for many different successful aspects of our lives, we lose this constant in our lives when our names are replaced by character names that have grandiose lives and amazing adventures, but none of it's real. As well, we are assaulted by many different ego's telling us we aren't nearly as cool, or as powerful as they are. So, while the mature folks know this is a pathetic cry to be heard, the less stable of us try as much as we can to be powerful, as if somehow were threatened by someone else. This goes both ways, whoever throws their awesomeness into a conversation and denies everyone elses ability to stand and shine, however transparent and intangible displays like this are, we are all dwarfed because one man has to be on top and nothing can be done to stop it. And everyone eventually views the individual with contempt... they no longer are a person, because of a huge tendency to see him as the character is portrayed. We lose ourselves in what others see in us. The mirror alters what we see in ourselves, and quite darkly.

We become different people, several personalities, to hide, run and become incognito. In a way, this is related to the discussion one paragraph up, but if we become too many people. Where are we?

Another thing is that... friends are constantly coming and going, and while something that you worked hard for stood for something some years ago. These same tangible values seem to be slipping when choices involving betrayal, love, and secrets becomes a question of how can I get away with it? When usually, there was an emotional connection holding the guilty face in our hands, there is nothing now. These simple facial twitches and tears, no longer are seen. We simply choose not to show them, and we censor ourselves to pull off a con, a lie, a white collar lie. The terrible bits of accidents and mistakes and I messed up, I apologize becomes how much truth do i need to tell them? The internet allows for lies to grow, culminate and increasingly demand of us the ability to selectively monitor each and every word, and its easier than it is in real life where our tone of voice could give us away. In this forum, there is no tone of voice.

How does this all relate to Friends? Well... the notion of real friends becomes lost if we immerse ourselves in the internet. However, there is hope. All we need is the choice to turn on, tune in and burn out. Or... we can all choose to invest in ourselves. Make plans to meet, make regular visits, put in some cash for book or poetry clubs. Talk with those that you live with, have a nice conversation after a fight in a silly online video game and the perspective changes. Friends give us the ability to discard that which does not matter, truly slide. And we grasp onto what truly does matter, loving our friends. Feeling again, becoming accountable to our feelings is what friends really do for us. Something I have always been at odds with, since I hate showing my true self to anyone. Though, there was a moment last night where I felt it almost burst out. Perhaps, my self control is too strong, but they noticed.

I hope folks comment constructively. I`m not having the readership I used to, but at least there`s a following.

-DoomiT-