I've done a hard thing. Perhaps, in doing so, I've created a maelstrom that I won't be able to fix. Fixing stuff is hard, and making messes is so easy. Walking away is easy too, even if it's healthy, it's immoral. If it is done wrong, it's immoral. People are left without a hedge to stand on, and if they won't listen, even when you aren't there... it is sad. Busy with my hand, my life, my self-destruction, and it's almost complete. I suppose now, of all times, I'm screwed and I've done it all to myself. I have no one else to blame.

Except there is a way to move forth and continue. Find a job, move ahead with reality, forget the virtual life I leave behind. All of the broken lies I've made, all of the falsities I let myself believe, and every bit of pain they create inside me and others, mean nothing if I let myself become destroyed as a result. I've realized over the last few days, that life is quite consuming and I can get back into it. Love the exercise, exertion, pain and joy, and realize I live again! I'm not some fucked up man that can't clean up his own room because he's having sex with some chick online. Life is more important, besides... I could be having sex on this bed. And that feels much better, DON'tCHA think!?

So, for those that read this, I know I've said it before. But it's because I was asking for help. As I always am.

Help I keep failing to find within myself. I need another, someone, anyone to pull me out.