There are a lot of edges in my life that strike me and I'm afraid of some of them. I'm unsure what to do against these certain edges, no sleep, no voice, no reasonable answers, what exactly am I supposed to do in these situations?

Ok the bare facts...

1.) I cannot sleep with the television on anywhere in the house. Sometimes I get insomnia because I'm stressed out and I don't sleep. Sometimes someone has a movie on upstairs, their light is on, and I hear it all through the house. And Somehow, my landlord that comes down to get water DOES NOT! fuck...

2.) I have a lot of fear in my head that i'll end up on the street, scared, alone, drugged up and ready to take the ultimate high. And what does my landlord, my "Host" Dad, the guy who takes care of "us". Say to me? "Take care of it yourself, it's a personal issue." Well, yeah, thanks... and since "I'm the only one that has to suffer with it. No one else has to change." Well thank you, thank you, thank you and FUCK you. He also says, "Look this guy is in the army, if your confrontational, he'll hurt you." Of course.. he's already hurting me.. and I can't get my message across to anyone. Bah.. I might as well write myself into the annals of history as the man that died a silent death because no one heard him shriek in the night. On a brighter note, I'm going to the gym and working my body. It's relaxing, I think, and I sweat. I enjoy it.

3.) And three.. loneliness. I'm left without a soul in this house that will hear me. A soul that'll sit down and listen to what I have to say. Or even, in the slightest possible way, know how to do this. Or even want to.

4.) Failing. I suppose I have failed at living on my own in a big city. No job, little money, maybe 1 months rent left stored away. Interviews but no job offers. Support with no constance of understanding. My mother, five hours away, perhaps the only woman in the province that can help me. But I wanted to make it here, it's possible but why does have to be so hard?

That's me... yeah, in a few nutshells. So the hard work, how do I apologize to these people that should be apologizing to me?

I suppose reconciling this in my head isn't going too well, considering I'm still angry and expectant of something. I shouldn't expect anything really, it's foolish to.

treated with some respect instead of "Are you on medication?" NO, if I was, I wouldn't be having this particular conversation with you. I'd have another. Minutes later... "Are on medication?"....

So.. one asks... the destitute seek a stick ray of light to cling to, and in the essence of seeking this approval, one gets lost easily. I am not there yet, but i wonder what it will be like. I have and I always will have those friends I met here, and on the internet over the years that will listen and not judge me. Perhaps they can teach these people my perspective?.... perhaps they will listen?.... perhaps... I have a voice through them?...

If anyone wants to help in this way, send me suggestions.